Funny Craigslist Post
Posted by Ben in Uncategorized on December 19th, 2008
NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra – $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)
Reply to: sale-926508578@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
Rock on.
The Story of Stuff
Posted by Ben in Uncategorized on December 11th, 2008
This video makes me want to move deep into the woods in Northern Michigan and develop my own self-sustaining farm. I will power my computer with potatoes, lots of potatoes…like the clocks from elementary school. Seriously though, this video may make you question the way you (and I) accumulate stuff and in turn participate in an an ugly cycle that hurts all consumers.
Tis the Season
Posted by Ben in Uncategorized on December 7th, 2008
This past weekend centered around Holly’s birthday and all things Christmas. I attended the GVSU University Relations division holiday party Friday night with co-workers to start things off. The party turned out to be better than I had expected, fueled by good drinks, food and conversation with friends.
Holly’s birthday was Saturday and after giving her a couple gifts in the morning I headed to the mall to return something at Dunham’s before picking up a Christmas tree. I hate shopping and I hate returning things even more…luckily Centerpointe mall wasn’t busy so I was able to walk right up to the returns desk. A heavily pierced teen asked for my license and I begrudgingly obliged to speed the process up as much as possible. Next the clerk asked for my phone number – I told him I didn’t have a phone. I wasn’t trying to be an a**hole – I just didn’t want him to have more of my info. He told me that he had to have a phone number to complete the return so I asked him to just enter his phone number, then asked him if store policy prohibited people without phones from shopping in his store. Finally I just made up a number (sorry 616-242-1234) and he was happy to get me out of the store. I should have had some coffee before going to the mall… I stopped at Menard’s to pick up some sidewalk salt and 900 pounds of sand for the back of the truck. Thankfully, this transaction went much more smoothly.
This weekend also brought a ton of snow which made driving a big rear-wheel drive truck quite an experience. Holly and I decided to get a fresh cut Christmas tree from the Lenderink Tree Farms in Belmont,
MI after having an artificial tree for years. I debated whether or not a real tree is more or less sustainable than a fake tree, but in the end I just wanted to go cut down my own tree and drag it home and into the house. My family always had a real tree growing up and I remember going to the tree farm every year to cut it down with my dad – I must have been sheltered from the part where you had to pay for it as I had a bit of sticker shock when I had to pay $50 for my tree. This was even more shocking when we passed other tree farms where pre-cut trees could be had for under $20…so I did all the work and paid the tree farm $30 for my labor and the use of their saw. Good times. In the end it was a lot of fun and the overall experience was well worth the money.
To round out the day Holly chose to have her birthday dinner at the Beltline bar on Division and 28th street. Both of our dinners were enormous and very good, but we had to take a fair amount home with us for another day. After dinner we decorated the tree and finished the night with a piece of birthday cake.
Sunday was a nice and lazy day…I watched football and simultaneously saw my fantasy football team (in my office league) have the worst week ever when it mattered the most. So disappointing! The big accomplishment of the day was hanging 75 feet of Christmas lights on the front of the house…we’re getting into the Christmas spirit at the Rapin house!
I need this new saw…
Posted by Ben in Uncategorized on December 3rd, 2008
I’ve had a lot of close calls with my table saw – always out of stupidity, and I even went to the med center once after a run in with my miter saw. I really need this new saw:
A nice break, but a busy one
Posted by Ben in Uncategorized on December 1st, 2008
Today was my first day back in the office since last Wednesday – Thanksgiving always provides a nice break but this year was a bit more hectic, but relaxing all the same. Most of the madness centered around hosting my family for a couple days at the house. I underestimated how much work is involved in preparing such a big meal; had I known this I probably would have opted to cook one turkey instead of two!
Here are some of the highlights:
Wednesday afternoon, evening, night, Thursday early morning and almost all day was spent cooking. Really, I don’t think I left the kitchen for more than an hour at any given time. Aside from cooking I played some cards and some Wii.
Thanksgiving started for me at 2am – after going to bed around 11pm. I set the alarm for 2am thinking I would be able to quickly get up, take the turkey out of the brine, soak the wood chips and then go back to bed. After I got the turkey squared away I realized I didn’t have any wood chips left so I had to go to Meijer to pick up more. Thank God for stores open 24 hours a day!
After soaking the chips it was now after 3am and the smoked turkey needed to be started around 5am so I just laid down on the couch for a quick nap. 5am came too soon and it took about an hour to get the smoker setup and that turkey started – the time I was done with that I had to start the homemade stuffing and the other turkey! All said and done I finished the second turkey by 8ish, just in time to whip up some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Making these from scratch took two hours!
I slept a bit more after breakfast and then sat around until it was time to make the rest of the fixings for dinner. I passed a lot of this on to my mom and sisters as I was just burned out in the kitchen. I watched the Lion’s game or lack thereof and then relaxed the rest of the day. I went to bed early but Holly and my sisters went to Meijer around midnight to camp out for the black Friday sales which started at 5am. They probably went earlier than necessary but they came home with 4 Wiis, 3 to keep and one for me to sell on Ebay (hoping I can make a buck or two on some last minute shoppers).
Friday
Friday was the most relaxing day of all…everyone left, including Holly, by 4pm so I had a whole night to hang out at home. Seriously, I can’t point to one productive thing I did all day other than making a quick trip to the mall and washing/filling up my mom’s car. Wait, is watching 3 western movies from the 50′s and 60′s productive? Sure it is…
Saturday
I woke up late with just enough time to make it to the Laker’s football game – this was my last webcasting engagement for a while. The game was terrible, it was like the Laker’s that we saw all season, or at least the offense/QB were replaced with a shabby high school team. Needless to say UMD won, and it shouldn’t have taken double OT for them to take the game. Saturday evening I drove to the cabin to shut off the water and to winterize the place for a couple months. I didn’t get there until 9pm, but I spent a couple hours chatting with my uncle who was up there for one more hunting weekend with his son/my cousin.
Sunday
Winterized the cabin and drove home through the first bad weather of the winter season. Nothing notable to speak of. I made it home in time to watch some football and bask in my fantasy football wins.
